Pursuant to my sister's request

Here are some random pictures around the city - not anything exciting, because anytime anything funny, cool, amazing, or downright embarrassing happens I fail to get a picture of it for at least two reasons: 1) I don't have my camera or 2) The iPhone camera takes forever and a day to load the program, and by the time I can get a shot off, the shutter delay coupled with no ISO control whatsoever results in an unrecognizable mess.

EXHIBIT A: This was a man begging for money on the street with a sign saying "Please help, I lost my job because of cancer". He was about 40 or so, medium build, unshaven but otherwise healthy looking. He was either staring at something invisible 3 feet in front of him, or just in a seriously pensive mood. What was ironic was the lit cigarette hanging from his limp uncaring fingers.

The iPhone captured this moment in all it's glory (look closely at the top, you can see remnants of a sign, I truly am an artist):





Here are pictures I took with my regular 'bulging-out-of-my-pocket-please-mug-me' camera, which happens to have a creepy talent for warding off anything interesting or funny that might have otherwise happened around me. Want a boring life? Walk around with this camera for a while, you'll be in unfettered bliss. On with the show...

Some surrounding buildings around the area where I work. The absence of sunlight can be a little discouraging

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Central park is a half block away, good place to just sit and zone out with lunch, and eavesdrop on fighting couples. The 'bird-storm' on the right side of the second photo was indeed headed right for me. I had to cut and run out of the way, less I wanted to restyle my new suit.

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Here is a lady in a horse & Carriage getting a ticket. I like the first photo where she's like "awwww....hhhhhhhhhhhh..... fuck." I wonder what he got her for... couldn't have been speeding. Maybe the horse pooped on the cop's vehicle, or the horse was violating some hazardous emissions law. "Damn horse, I knew the Beeno was a bad idea". Whatever it was, it sure must've scared the shit out of that horse.

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Columbus circle at night. My ISO was high on this shot, cars travel that turnabout at speeds only possible if they were anchored to the middle, which is unfortunate for the biker-buggy thing caught in the middle.. look out!!!

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Area around my hood at night. First pic is the filling of the balloons for the Macy's parade which happens at the American Museum of Natural History. Scores of people walk a predetermined path to get a glimpse at the wonder of helium injecting generator pumps and airborne infectious diseases. I would have gotten a closer shot, but I stayed the hell away. Second is Amsterdam Ave, where there are more Irish pubs than there are Starbucks. I know, it's staggering.

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And finally....That's so 'Grand Theft Auto' . . . Dontcha Think?? I just want to break through the fence, hop on the bike, and find something to jump. If you don't know what I am talking about, you are missing out on the single most entertaining gaming experience of the 21st century.

A Bird In One Hand Is Worth 2 Beatings In The Dojo

11/6/08


The last few years in L.A. I became quite the gym rat, not to be confused with lab rat. Lab rats have experiments done on them day & night until they either die over overcome cancer, gym rats do experiments to themselves to see how much pain and suffering they can actually endure.

NYC doesn't have a shortage of gyms, but it certainly does have a shortage of reasonably priced gyms. Sorry equinox, $170/month is something you drive. $400 initiation? No thanks, I think i'll eat for a month instead (rice & water that is).

I did the next most logical thing instead - I joined a martial arts class.

Sure New York City can be a little rough & tumble. Though, I am not so worried about getting mugged, stabbed randomly, or caught walking down the wrong alley in the middle of the night. It's the store clerks that have me concerned. I think the Starbucks barista is one more (sarcastic) 'thank you so very kindly' from jumping the counter and kicking my ass. So what if my drink is 18 syllables? It's there fault for allowing customization in the first place.

I didn't join it for the protection, but for an excuse to do something other than the gym. Martial arts happens to be great cardio, stretching, coordination, and vocal training all in one neat package. I joined a place 2 blocks from home, so I can limp back home and ponder my decision after every class. It's a mixed martial arts school that trains many different forms, one of which is called Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

My first night (evaluation night) consisted of me and 3 other students, and the octagon. The Jiu Jitsu teacher, whom I refer to as the octagon, is named as such because he looks like he just stepped out of my TV during some Pay Per View UFC fight. 5'8", sharp New York accent, missing teath, a neck as thick as a tree stump, and a slight twitch when he talks. If you don't know what brazilian Jiu Jitsu is, look here.

We learned 3 basic moves after an extensive warm up period that included 'all-you-can-do' pushups for 1 minute. The moves are simple enough, provided your opponent is made out of rubber and in a coma, otherwise, things can get complicated. My opponent was neither, and I had a difficult time wrestling him into submission positions, even though on a few occasions, he submitted himself just to give me confidence. The first half of the 1 hour class was intersected by a brief Q&A with the teacher... I asked about stretching techniques, others asked about double arm reversals out of a half guard (WTF is that?!). Then started the second half...

"OK guys, ROLL!"

What the teacher really meant, at least, when I sent him a questioning glance, was "wrestle". The second half of his stare was "yeah, you too numbnuts".

So I paired up with the remaining student and proceded to try and do something I knew nothing about, with no idea of how to obtain my goal, but I sure was getting tired and tossed around in the process. Weights didn't seem like such a bad idea all of a sudden.

It's amazing how much of a workout you can get just trying to keep from getting pinned, but by the end of the lesson I was a ball of sweat. My arms hurt, my legs hurt, my neck hurt, even my jaw hurt. So I signed up for a six month membership - anything this difficult and painful must be good for you, right?

I did learn some things my first night, but none more important than: when doing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, it's always wise to keep your toenails clipped....



I think I'll try the more traditional class next. Haiya!

Now back to your regularly scheduled program

11/4/08 - 7:30 AM...

*snooze*

11/4/08 - 758 AM...

*snooze*

11/4/08 - 832 AM...

*snooze*

11/4/08 - 843 A.... awe, fuck it. I'm up.

I start work tomorrow. That's the first thought that swims into my head as I groggily emerge from bed, my last day of being a free agent, unemployed and unaccountable. That's O.K. , it's no way to live anyhow. Get's kind of boring without some sort of challenge or hurdle to overcome - though truthfully, I didn't give that whole relaxation thing a fair shake because I was so damn busy moving from one side of the country to the other. Too bad, I think I would have made a great slouch.

The anxiety of something new still creeps over me, and I shrug it off with a cup of coffee and a to do list that would make Obama shiver. There's a lot to get done before I start work.

The rest of this Tuesday is spent buying things to fill the little holes in the details of my apartment.. you know, toilet paper, soap, hangers, foot fungu...well, anyhow, you get the idea. Plus today is unpacking day. For real.

You know, for someone who really tried to simplify his life and liquidate a lot of needless stuff to be more minimalistic, I sure still have a shitload of stuff. And I went out and bought more. I very well may need help.

11/4/08 - 6:30 PM...

The cable guy came... I now have a broadband internet connection that's not being leached from the poor sap named 'hummers4me212' with an unprotected network. I have cable TV, and I still have no 'wired' phone. Who needs one, really? Discuss.

Things that needed to get done got done, and now I can use my last few hours pre bed time to soak it in and relax. Too bad the people above me own a Wii, at least that's the only explanation I can come up with to explain the running back and forth in the apartment while hopping up and down in a strangely rhythmic fashion. Maybe they just need to stop having sex on the floor... but I met that couple. My money's on the Wii.

Here are pics of the completed apartment, finally unpacked, and somewhat uncluttered.

Laser Beam Cat Eyes! (main room, pardon the flash)

This is where it gets done, sleep that is

A place for music; but dance? Not so much.

A favor

My good friend, golfing pal (more like instructor), and superior at this game I try to play called 'pool', has asked me to spread the word about a charity auction for the Mattel Children's Hospital.

"Hi Jeff,

I'm helping to organize a charity auction to help Mattel Children's Hospital in Los Angeles. The auction ends on Friday, November 28th (the day after Thanksgiving). Please tell everyone you know, so we can raise some money for this cause. We've got some great sports and entertainment auction items! All of the items are donated, and 100% of the proceeds will go directly to the treatment and care of children with cancer.

Check it out here:http://www.bidsforthekids.org/

Bid early, so we can get some momentum! Please forward this to your friends and family. It would mean a great deal to me.

Thanks!"

So there you have it - I spread the word to everyone I know, since everyone I know is on the email list that I sent notice of this blog to... well, provided people actually come here.

Also, it's ends on Black Friday - how convenient is that? We're all buying shit that day anyway, what's one more thing to the tally?

I checked out the website, and it's pretty spiffy. M.C.H. is a cancer research hospital specializing in children... cancer sucks. It's a good cause, so bid on something. It's so easy to bid, in fact, a 'caveman could do it'^©: Just click what you want (left/right arrows on either side of the marquee) and give them your bid amount, name, and phone number. It's cake. By the way, I bid on the 2 tickets to the 2009 final four - so back off.

Feline Maintenance Meets Mankind's Ingenuity

11/3/08


I am happy to announce that today the cats have taken to their new litter... uhm... robot thing. I was concerned, particularly reading the instructions, when I learned there are all sorts of things cats do with this contraption, including, but not limited to: Sticking their heads in the hole but still deficating outside the unit, triggering the unit non stop out of morbid curiosity, Jumping on top of the unit mid spin, Scooping litter out of the pod onto the once clean floor (shit-chunks included), using the new pile of outside litter as a temprorary litter box, and so on...

Fortunately, they have done none of these things... yet.

I can only imagine these warnings were tabulated and printed into future refined owners manuals to include all the things previous customers complained about. I am surprised, and a little relieved, not to have found any mentioning of beheading, dismemberment, electrocution, flooding, or speed/sensor malfunction that may result in a sort of 'ride' for the occupant.

Was this worth the $$?

Hell yeah! No smell, self cleaning, easy to maintain, and though you can't tell from the angles I shot the apartment in previous posted pics, it really matches the decor.

Biggles really likes it too - every time it spins up to clean itself, he drops whatever he is doing, I mean, whatever he is doing (licking the boys, terrorizing Ariel, being brushed by me, slumbering under the bed covers), to rush over and watch the robo-2000 in action. It's a 20 second spin cycle of ground breaking technology in action, a symphony of speed and precision only further sweetened by the melodic hum of the electronic motors, creating an eye candy sensation of immense propor....

Who am I kidding. It's a bore. But that doesn't stop him from rushing over to watch it time after time. At least it's going off with less frequency now that Ariel as stopped chickening out at the last second. I swear B has lost 5 lbs.

A Fine Mess

11/2/08


First, a few photos of the cats exploring their new home...

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After a long night of freezing my keester off, interrupted by brief bouts of sleep, I was a little disoriented when the phone woke me from my (now fitful) slumber at 11:30 AM.

It was Gur.

When I originally went hunting for professional movers, I researched like crazy on the internet, doing everything in my power to protect yours truly from getting screwed. Every mover I talked to warned me about their competitors unscrupulous business practices, and the more they talked about how legitimate they were, the more weary I became. Must be the poker player in me. One website, movingscam.com (yeah, someone got screwed badly enough to create a website with millions of visitors), turned me on to who I ended up using: a small broker called 'for the move'. They subbed it out to Ben Hur, and now the guy responsible for all my shit (including my entire recording studio) is named Gur. Worried? A little...

It honestly took me about 10 seconds to register where I was, and who the hell 'Gur' was. The combination of shock that the movers came through with the promise date, and the excitment of my stuff actually arriving, erased any remaining drowsiness and I promptly buzzed them in. This would be the first time in history, that I can recall, where I actually had to undress, while getting out of bed, to go outside.

When the movers came in, Biggles ran up the spiral stairs to hide, and who the hell knew where Ariel was (she hides all the time anyhow). But, I decided to make sure she was in the apartment anyways, since the door was propped open. For a good 5 minutes I couldn't locate her - not in the closet, not in the loft, not under the raised platform, not in any of the sink cabinets, not in the bathroom... where was she?

Allow me:





I seems, or least to Ariel anyhow, that if she can't see anyone, they certainly can't see her. There she remained the whole time, head burried in the proverbial 'sand'.




I have to give kudos to the movers here. Gur was great, none of my stuff was destroyed, they didn't hold anything for ransom as others had warned, and within 3 hours I was moved in and ready to unpack.

uggghhh.

If I never mentioned how much moving sucks, I am mentioning it now.. the whole damn process....just.. yuk.

It's also damn expensive. I spent Sunday, and a large portion of Monday, running all over hell's half acre getting the 'bare essentials'. Except, only, I don't roll like that. Nope. I gotta get everything I will ever need, right now, and carry it all back in one large trip. Good thing most places here deliver.

Well, at least now I can get settled.. arms tired, legs heavy, head pounding, bank account wounded...time to unpack, get a good nights sleep, and start focusing on what brought me here in the first place...

Some mid-unpacking pics:

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And now your moment of zen...

Concerning Things That Don't, In Fact, Make Good Blankets

11/1/08


Walking through JFK, tugging along my suitcase, sad sounding drugged out screaming cats in tow (their poor voices didn't carry past the walls of their plastic prison), I look at the airport terminal with new eyes. This is to be my new home airport terminal... the place where, when I come back from a long exhausting trip, happy to be back amongst familiar surroundings, the promise of home a taxi ride away, I am supposed to feel euphoric in it's presence. Unfortunately time didn't permit me to soak in the atmosphere, as I was threatened to be trampled by scores of other travelers heading for the exit, who apparently already had this moment sometime in the distant past, and now just wanted to get the hell out.

Now you should be aware, being the careful planning individual I am, there was no way I was showing up to an empty apartment without a bed, warm blankets, cat food, and of course a litter box + liners + litter (god knows from of the smell of the crates they needed to use the facilities).

Amazon baby! It's the shit. There's only one problem, someone needs to be there to accept a package. No worries, I just sent it all to my landlord's address... that'll make a nice first impression. I can see the UPS driver now... 'Pardon me mam, but can you sign for these items here... let's see: 1 queen size inflatable mattress, 20 lb bag of science diet (light), 15 lb box of super clumping premium litter, a few more boxes of this and that, oh... and this:
*Whump*!

Landlady: "my lord, what is that?"

UPS Driver: "The RoboLitter 2000 mam, it's the worlds largest, most expensive, and silliest looking litter box known to man "



































In all fairness, I did call the Lords one week before my arrival to tell them they had a couple of parcels coming to their address. Nobody answered, nobody responded to any of my messages. Every day, for 5 days, sometimes multiple times a day, I called them, worried they would refuse the shipment, but by the end, I was just hoping they hadn't died. And yes, their last name is Lord. Uncanny eh?

So, on my car ride from the airport, I instructed the driver to stop by Petco, you know, where the pets go, so I could at least get the essentials for them. I would have to suffer one night on hardwood floors with no blankets, big deal. I can handle it...

Fortunately, 30 minutes before I got 'home', my landlady called me to say she got my messages, they were out of town and just got back at 7:30. There were some packages waiting. That's good news! 2 packages to be exact: 1 medium box, and one really small box. Looks like the mattress made it, as did the litter box liners.

After settling in, getting the cats settled, and their crap set up, I was wiped and ready for bed. After inflating the mattress, I bundled up in some clothes, using my carry on as a pillow, and promptly tried to sleep. Well, that wasn't going too well for one reason: It's fucking cold. I have a couple of radiators in my apartment, and they weren't warm. Not even in the same vicinity as warm to be exact. It must've been about 55 degrees in my apartment. To add to this, as my sister correctly stated, and I soon found out, air mattresses do not provide any warmth whatsoever. In fact, they do just the opposite, they siphon it.

So there I laid, freezing and tired, unable to sleep, bundled in practically every article of clothing I owned (skull cap and hoodie to, oh yeah), literally feeling the heat leaving my body, and now reflecting on the very wise musings of my friend Mark: "..oh no my friend, you have no idea what cold is. There are certain types of cold, no matter how much clothing you are wearing, where you just can't warm up.. hahaha, you gonna freeze". At least I had the warmth from the cats crawling all over me, one more reason to the tally of why to own a really big dog.

I tried to turn on the radiators... but where the hell is the switch? Isn't there some kind of on/off switch, temperature gauge, indicator light, or something?? There was an open/close valve, but where the hell's the pilot? I Couldn't open them up without lighting the pilot, I might suffocate in methane gas. Later, however, I found out Radiators do just what the name implies: radiate. Just need to open the valve to let the heat in from the basement, you dumbfuck.

Be it known, litter box liners don’t make good blankets. Neither does a suitcase.

West - East - Upper West

Hello fellow readers. I have decided to write this blog due to my general inability to keep in good communications with practically everybody, including my closest family. I imagine it's a lack of planning on my part, always having something else to do, or my general dislike of talking on the phone... perhaps a combination of all three. This seems to be the most efficient way to portray my experience to all of you about my whereabouts in the big apple. And for those without internet, I suppose they're just screwed.

It was a long, thoroughly thought out process that led to my decision to move here and take this job in Manhattan. When my life changed rather drastically with my divorce, I made sure to keep my life simple and my finances liquid enough that I could change direction at the drop of a hat. Freedom is a double edged sword my friends... Sure you can do what you want, when you want, how you want, but life can get boring in the comfort zone. This opportunity to manage a relatively young, up and coming store, representing the finest pianos available for purchase, in a town that knows almost no boundaries, and make some nice coin in the process... well, you get the idea. Sometimes you just have to grab life by the balls and say "you are not the boss of me" - of course, being the polite person I am, I just tapped it on the shoulder and said "pardon me, passing through".

Here's my thought process here, and certainly correct me if I am wrong (provided you just keep it to yourself), but I was coasting in life. Coasting at my job, socially coasting, cruising through everything with a general comfortable acceptance that I am fine, life is well, my days are scheduled with a common routine tha... ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz......ZZZZzzzzz....*snort* .... sorry, drifted off there. As I was saying, coasting was nice, however for me to advance, something needed to change. As you can plainly see, I don't do anything half-assed.

The planning of the move went smoothly enough. The execution, to my amazement, also went exactly as planned. I was able to transition out of my job, sell my junk (including the car), pack my shit (including the 2 cats), and hop on a November 1st thought provoking flight out here. Most of the in flight questions in my brain danced around the same general idea: 'what am I doing?', with the occasional stray such as 'are the cats alive?' and 'what is that god awful smell?'. So far I have answered 2 out of 3, I think the 3rd will take more time.

You will be pleased to know, or perhaps not (depending on your original position in regards to me leaving in the first place), that I have settled in and everything is as I had hoped. So far, at least....

Now some pics:

Windows from my living room

Exposed Brick in living room (Girlfriend not included)

Spiral Staircase to storage loft in bedroom

View of raised platform (dining area) from Kitchen

Night view of my pad from outside